3 Steps to Deal with Grief
Ok, what does grief have to do with health? Plenty. First it is stressful and that affects your health. It can also directly create physical symptoms like breathlessness, sensitivity to noise, lack of energy, muscular weakness, and tight sensations in the chest and throat. Most of these simply pass as the normal process of dealing with a loss is played out. But what if it doesn't? What then?
Well dealing with a loss does differ on the type of loss, but for the most part the following three steps can be used for any loss. Death, loss of job, loss of a dream, loss of a home, etc. (Don't be deceived, you can have a loss of a close friendship by simply moving to a new location, this is a loss too!)
Three steps to help with grief:
1. Pray for strength to accept the situation and all it entails.
2. Learn how to adjust to the new situation.
3. Stay physically fit.
Prayer goes a long way in learning to accept the loss. Denial is the opposite of acceptance and there are many ways to deny something. The first way is to try to ignore it. Stay so busy, pretend it didn't happen, and so on. Denying the facts of the loss will only prolong the pain. There may be attempts to keep possessions ready for use when the loss is 'recovered' or keeping the room of the deceased untouched for years. For example: Keeping parts for an airplane engine when you know you will not be able to ever build that dream plane. People can also deny the meaning of the loss. Perhaps saying things like "We weren't close", "I didn't really like that job", or may remove all reminders of the loss so as not to be reminded of his or her or its existence (keep in mind a loss can be a person, thing, or event.) Denying that the loss is irreversible if it in fact is. Such as the death of a loved one. Some people will disregard scriptures such as Ecc. 9:5, because that want to believe the dead aren't really dead. Acceptance leads to healing. When we refuse to accept a loss, we are in effect saying "God you don't know what you are doing. I can't live without this!!!" Trust in God and accept the truth will set you free even if in your human wisdom you don't think it can.
Learning how to adjust to the new situation. I.e. No longer being able to call you mom after her death, what will you do instead. Maybe you will call a friend, or may offer up a little prayer of gratitude for your father's good health... You fill in the blank. Come up with what you will do differently. Maybe just pausing to miss her. It doesn't have to be an action, but do know how to break the spell of gloom. "II is a positive duty to resist melancholy, discontented thoughts and feelings--as much a duty as it is to pray." Ministry of Healing pg. 251, 1905
Your loss affects your life in such a ways as to completely change it, you also need to develop a plan of action. I.e. Lost a job/career. Now losing a job is different from losing a career. A job can be found just about anywhere, but perhaps you've lost a career. Something that was a part of you. My husband willing 'lost' his career as a mechanic some time ago. It was simply too painful, physically to continue. That was a loss. He had 'been' a mechanic is entire adult life and now had to learn who he was outside of being a mechanic.
Staying physically fit helps to deal with run-a-way emotions. Exercise reduces the stress hormones in our blood system. Not to mention our brains need the nutrition and rest to keep functioning properly. If your mind can not get physical nutrition, especially omega 3 and B vitamins, it will have a much harder time processing information and emotions. Rest is also very important. Be careful, though. If you are sleeping for much longer periods than usual for more than several weeks after the loss, you may be experiencing depression and should seek medical help.
I hope these simple steps will help you with the complexity of grief. I know God has helped me tremendously over the pass few years when loss came very close to home.
AP
PS: If you have experienced a major loss, it is wise to wait sometime before making major decisions. Our minds need time to process and filter so we can get back on track.
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